Maybe Someday
by LadySeradeRETURNS
Summary: After winter holidays their fifth year, Sirius discovers Hermione's diary left behind. He learns that she understood him, more than he ever knew.


**"Maybe Someday"**

The old grandfather clock in the sitting room ticked away for every second that he took a step. His thick booted foot gracefully stepping along the high quality carpet was a memory of his solitude, because he was alone. The house settled around him as he slid his hands into the pockets of his thick corduroy jacket; his fingers passed over the chain of his watch.

He could see the tips of his wavy black hair in his peripheral vision as he bowed his head down, walking along the edge of the carpet before the stairs and by the front door. His loneliness at an all time high. Even just hearing the sound of Kreacher, the house-elf, tinkering away somewhere would have lightened him, just to know he wasn't completely alone, but the little rodent had been asleep for most of the afternoon.

Sirius slowly walked into the sitting room, following the sound of the tick-tock as if to believe that something remotely interesting or new would catch his attention. His boots taking him the same way he'd walked before, knowing their routine rather well. His eyes scanned the walls, looking at the portraits for the umpteenth time as they went about their business. The fire was settling, crackling away the rest of the remaining wood that sizzled.

He thought back about the "kids" and their rushed departure of the house. He remembered seeing Hermione ducking her head into the empty room that displayed his horrid family tree, announcing to Harry that it was time to leave. He'd half wanted to beg him to stay. For all of them to stay - Harry, Ron, George, Fred, Ginny and Hermione. To stay and leave him some life in the house, leaving him with having someone new to interact with, each with a different personality. But, they had to return to school. They had lives of their own.

He picked a thread off of his jacket, dusting away any residual lint with his fingertips when his eyes caught a short leather bound book lying comfortably on the coffee table before him. A nice clean black leather cover hid its secrets; Sirius not yet knowing the value it held. He leaned over and picked it up, opening it in his hand. Blank pages of parchment looked back at him, freshly clean and never written on. He fingered through the pages, checking to see if it had anything in it at all. From what he could see, it was just an empty leather bound book with plain pages.

He tilted his head in query, wondering where it came from. It wasn't his and it served no other purpose other than someone's potential notepad. Curious to one more possibility, he took his wand out of his pocket and held the tip of it to the center of the empty pages.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he said with a smirk. Surely, it wouldn't be that easy.

Just like the Marauder's Map that he helped create, the pages before him started to bleed through with ink. Scribble in a feminine hand started to show and he soon learned that it was more than just an empty book. He turned to the first page and as he read the first words, he smiled. A warm guilt settled in his chest.

He chuckled in his throat as his lips turned into a small smile, "So, predictable."

_"This is the diary of Hermione Jean Granger, aged 13."_

The thick bound book that rested in his hands was like a sacred chronology to Hermione, obviously left behind as she returned to school. Tempted as he was to thumb through her most treasured thoughts, he quickly closed the book with a loud thud, protecting her from what she may not wish to be known.

But, then again, what she didn't know couldn't hurt her and what he did know, might help him. After all, he was an unsuspecting adult with nothing else up his sleeve. _Honest, Gov!_ Who was he kidding? He was Sirius Black!

Knowing he was alone, except for Kreacher, he looked around anyway, just in case Remus had returned from the train station early from dropping off the kids. When the coast was clear he dashed to the couch, threw his feet on the table and settled in to read the ramblings of a teenage girl.

_"Dear Diary,_

_Today is my thirteenth birthday and I'm now officially a teenager. Far from the days of a mere child, I finally set forth to begin my journey to be the girl, or woman, I choose. For example, just last week I finally got my -"_

Sirius quickly thumbed through the pages, and cleared his throat, "Perhaps, I'll start a little older."

He was curious about secrets, but not _those_ secrets. It just made the whole idea even creepier with him being...well, as old as he was and she only fifteen. He moved towards the middle of the book, close to where the blank pages began again to entries somewhat recent, like the beginning of winter holidays.

_"Dear Diary,_

_I've watched him for quite awhile, now. Seeing him in August and now during the holidays has been such a transformation. Harry loves him and I know that if he could, he would gladly drop out of school and leave just to be with him. But, seeing such an amazing piece of legendary history residing in the same place I am is just a little overwhelming."_

Wait, is she talking about him?

_"I'd love to sit him down and ask him so many things about that night, about what happened when he was first in the Order or what should we expect in the coming years? Sirius Black-"_

Guess so.

_"Sirius Black is one of those people that you want to hug one minute, because of what he's gone through and then turn around and punch in the face, because of how snarky and irresponsible he can be. Granted, he would lay down in front of the Hogwart's Express for Harry, and that's commendable, but sometimes I think that he does truly see Harry as James."_

He snorted in jest, "I do not."

_"But, even just the same, I do wish I was able to reach out to him. But, I know that he sees me as nothing more than a child. If he only knew what I've learned, perhaps then he'd listen to me or at least speak to me like I was someone at his level. But, until I'm no longer a Hogwarts student, I can't bet on it too soon._

_I can only think that in his mind and in his own private world, it's much like living in a glass house and watching the world pass him by. He's forced to watch the people he knows go on with their lives, be involved and it's as if he's been left behind. I think he really believes he's been forgotten in some way and sadly, I don't blame him. He needs someone to understand him and I wish, so dearly, that it was me."_

"All right, love, where are you going with this?" he asked aloud, as if she was there reading every word to him. The quietness around encompassed him as the night outside crept along. Suddenly, having her thoughts in his hands lessened the loneliness, even if just for a few pages.

_"I'm fifteen, but as Bill and Charlie told me, I'm not like girls my age. That's not surprising. Girls my age are too hung up on material things and for me that takes way too much time, in my opinion. _

_I would like to believe that as I get older, I'll reach out and try to find someone that I can relate to or someone I can have a strong conversation with. I want someone that has seen the world or is not afraid to experience it. I suppose that being an only child has that sort of repercussions at times, but then again, I wouldn't have traded my moments alone for anything in the world. I only wish that when the time comes, I'll meet someone that has stories and lessons to tell me. Perhaps, someone like, Sirius._

_Someone like Sirius would be my ideal and I hate to admit that I know I've watched him at certain times a little inappropriately too long. Aside from being incredibly handsome for a man his age, I can see his sexuality resonating from his past."_

"Resonate? Good word, love."

_"I don't see Remus like that, so I know it's not a generalization. It's just Sirius. Where he's been, what he knows, what he does, where he stands and his integral part to the Harry Potter saga all equals up to someone worth knowing. Who knows, maybe when I get older, I might try to pursue something with him, but I doubt it. Someone like him won't stay single long. He truly has too much to offer and I'm just someone that probably won't stand up to his expectations._

_In the meantime, I'll do what I can just to see the way he lights up a room with the sound of his laugh or the way he tends to wink when he's proud of something he says. Even a girl like me can have their dream guy._

_For now, good night - Hermione"_

Sirius closed the book slowly, like he'd just finished the last page of a well written saga. His eyes stared off into the space before him, taking a moment to remember the words he'd read and her voice speaking them to him as he sat there alone in the house. He could almost see her writing in the book, alone in the room she shared with Ginny, alone in her own thoughts.

His eyes looked down to the front of the bound book and he lightly traced his fingers over the Celtic design of the cover, believing that he could almost feel her energy on it. Thinking hard, he was tempted to read on and maybe he would, but not now. Not when his last thoughts of her were she leaving him to return back to Hogwarts and finish up her studies.

"So young," he whispered to himself. Momentary guilt passed over him as he counted the years they had between them. He closed his eyes hard, firming his lips in a grimace and sighing long and heavy. "Just, so young."

He took to heart what she'd said in her most intimate times. He was moved by her thoughts, but most of all, he was quietly elated that she understood him.

0o0o0o0o FOUR YEARS LATER 0o0o0o0o0o0

Hermione was dusting along the edge of the bookshelf that sat on the first landing just to the left of the stairs. It was old and raggedy, but refused to be moved because of the neat look it had. Worn shelves lined with century old books in lighter magic than the dark arts it previously held. Scorched markings into the dark cherry wood stood out as a reminder of when Sirius and Regulus dueled as small children. A keen memory they wanted to keep alive, even years after Sirius's death.

"Hermione?" Remus called from the first floor. He'd come out of the kitchen with a dish rag in his hand.

"I'm up here," she called over the banister, flourishing her duster at him like a wand. "Doing muggle work!"

He smiled as he looked up at her, admiring the way she said it so lightly. "An owl came for you. I think it's from Ron, because it's got a heart shaped box attached to it."

"You can have the chocolates, Remus. I'm just tired of letting him think everything will be okay, as long as bribery is attached," she explained, shaking her head.

"He's just a boy, love. He doesn't know any better," Remus soothed, looking up at her like Juliet in the window. He shook his head at the fact that she was wasting her time with someone that no longer stimulated her.

"I know, I know. But, love conquers all, doesn't it?" she said passively, leaning her elbows over the banister. Her duster hung in her hand.

"Yes...and no. It doesn't stand a chance, if you're not happy."

"I know. Maybe I should just throw it all away and run away with you!" She smiled sweetly.

He smiled back platonically and added, "Perhaps, but I'm just too old for you."

She knew his sincere smile was harmless and she never thought more from him. He was always her friend, her trusted friend that saw things the same as she and it was comforting to have that. "No, Remus, I think someone like you would be just what I needed."

He shook his head, knowing a few secrets of his own, "Only if someone like me was worthy to deserve someone like you."

She smiled again and fluttered her duster at him as she turned her back and continued on diligently tackling dust bunnies the size of ping pong balls.

The purple feathers of her cleaning wand brushed past titles that she couldn't help but read. She perused the bound edges out of habit, in the event that something had snuck their way up on the shelf worth reading, or rereading. Pausing over a blank title, but taking a second glance over it, she reached a finger to pull it out of its line up.

Laying her duster down on the shelf it came off of, she opened it up to see what it might have been, if it wasn't what she might have thought it was. Blank pages looked back at her, strengthening her accusation.

"I thought I'd lost this," she said to herself, taking her real wand to point at the pages. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Just like she knew, the pages came to life with the handwritten ramblings of when she was younger. The first pages brought her back to when she first received the book as a present and the last entry reminding her of her stay over the holidays at Grimmauld Place when she was fifteen. The entry went on about her view of Sirius and his solitude in the house. A private life she never got the chance to tell him she understood.

Hermione flipped to the last entry, the one she made the night before she left the house as she sat alone late in the night on the couch in the sitting room. As her eyes scanned down over her own words, a small script on the opposite page caught her eye. There, not in her own hand, were two words and a signature.

_"Maybe someday. - Sirius"_

_Her fingers clutched the book tighter as she felt a strong sensation squeezing in her stomach. Her shoulders started to shake and as her knees got weaker, she dropped herself to the first step to sit down. She felt drained, emotionless and just numb. The man she had thought about through the years was speaking to her from beyond the grave. _


End file.
